The First…and Final Draft: A Comparison

Issue #47 - Putting Meat on the Bones 4

Jun 01, 2025

(This is the fourth in a series, leading writers through the stages from ideas to drafting to a finished, published tale. For context read Writing Rhythm Issues 44, 45 & 46 before this post.)

So, let’s just dive in to our rough draft, shall we? Because of space limitations, we’ll only show before-and-after drafts of the first page and a half or so of the story.

Revision Ideas

At the start of a short story, you want to insert the reader into the action and quickly introduce characters, setting and situation.

Poetry

After examining this first draft, I realized it wasn’t going to be enough to imply that our detective wrote poems by having him look up from his current poem. I needed to show the reader, and if I was clever, I realized I could use it to drive the action by inserting John’s poems at key places in the narrative. So I’d need to write several short poem bits, each tailored to the story.

Character Description

I realized I had not given the girl any but the most basic description; I’d chosen an appropriately unusual name for her, but not emphasized it. To make the story work as I was envisioning it, I decided both the daughter and the mother would need to be eccentric and fanciful, so on my next pass I needed to augment their descriptive passages.

Setting Description

The bayou is an important part of the spirit of this tale, and again I’d let down on description; I saw after this first rough pass that I’d not even come close to painting it well. Because I don’t live near the South, this required research (Writing Rhythm #33-35) and additions. I also saw that I needed to spotlight how John is using this peaceful setting to soothe years of PTSD from his detective past, thus dovetailing it with his internal conflict.

Make Protag Consistent with His/her Own Backstory

I further realized that as is, John does not sound like an educated man who would write poetry, never mind one who is retired and of a generation in which he slips occasionally into antiquated English. All of this is how I envisioned him. Since I opted for first person, every thought in his mind and word out of his mouth needed to reflect this, which meant I had to change content and pacing.

As you read the following final draft of the same material, look for:

· Added description of the girl…and an emphasis on her name.

· Added description of the bayou and a stress of its importance to our protag

· Amped intellectualization of John’s “voice”

· Lines of poetry which match the situation

A final note: the suggestions of others helped me polish this story. I made a number of the changes reflected above based on commentary from a critique group. We’ll discuss more about the all-important critique-revision process a few issues from now.

Some of our vocabulary words—like this one—have “root words” which give an immediate clue to the meaning.

What is antiquated?

Action Plan

Can’t wait until next time to read the rest of the story? Click here to get the issue containing the short mystery story “A Letter for the Bayou” online or in print in Mystery Weekly Magazine.

Next Up

48) “A Letter for the Bayou,” the fiction tale we’ve been dreaming up and drafting, offered in its entirety, right here. See you in two weeks.

Craig