Family, Work & Friends: How to Carve Out Writing Time
Issue #27 - Family, Work & Friends, 1 of 2
(For an update on “A Writing Contest,” read to the end of this post.)
In issue Writing Rhythm Issue #23 I touched on the concept of clearing time to write every day—which, I know, has to rate fairly high on the continuum of impossible-sounding propositions. Sure, Craig, you might be thinking. Maybe if I was a hermit, all cloistered away and living alone in a remote cabin somewhere, I could write all the time.
[…and while we’re on hermits and writing, I’ve gotta throw this in, just because I love the quote.
The article “Myth Four: The Writer is a Hermit” contains this:
“…when you’re a writer, I argue that you’re never actually alone. The characters are there with you…”]
Can’t get enough of hermits? We’ll touch on them again in Writing Rhythm Issue #29 during the first of four posts on writer’s groups. In the meantime, let’s assume that you don’t incline toward the hermit life. You’re like the majority of us: on the road most traveled, bouncing back and forth between jobs and home life, the latter often including family or at least significant others, with kids maybe among them. The question, then, is how do you possibly fit writing in?
Let’s consider the world of employment first.
Carving Out Time at Work
Traveling to and From…
Robert Nelson on Medium proposes five ways to “squeeze writing into a busy schedule.” Among other ideas, he suggests showing up at work early (if you labor at a brink-and-mortar location). He adds a reminder not to waste time if you have a long commute: you can voice-dictate if driving (you can “always edit and fill in the gaps later,” he says) and physically write if you’re on public transportation or being driven.
Choosing and Sticking to A Time During the Work Day
Clearly, creatively writing during the hours you’re gainfully employed would be a habit leading to ungainful unemployment. But you do have breaks. For years, especially when our kids were young, I set aside lunch at work as writing time.
If you have flexibility in your work hours, Rachel Rowlands advises that you firmly set your writing time and “…turn off your work emails or your work phone if that’s possible.”
Char on Novlr goes on to say that once you’ve reserved that time—whether it’s during your commute, work breaks or within a flexible job schedule—that you be a Plotter (see Writing Rhythm Issue #12 for a reminder of the distinction between Plotters vs. Pantsers) and “prepare your chapters in advance” so that you don’t waste your precious time “…deciding what to work on or where to start.”
(This harkens back to my advice in Writing Rhythm Issue #22 on organizing yourself ahead so you can hit the ground running when it’s writing time.)
Let’s move on to what’s waiting for us after we punch out.
Carving Out Time at Home
First, a caveat: our kids and our significant others are not bad guys for wanting us. They are not the enemies who are blocking us from writing. It is up to us to compassionately figure out how to give our loved ones what they deserve while finding ways to get in the creative time we crave.
It’s all about finding balance.
Writer John August notes that the goal is often the whole enchilada, namely: “…a day job, a relationship, and the writing career you’d like to have.” He goes on to say that you simply have to “…accept that one of these three things isn’t going to get all the attention he/she/it deserves.”
My input here, based on my own life? Make personal sacrifices for your writing, but don’t sacrifice your family. Instead, work with them. Communicate. Let’s highlight a bad example by reconsidering the lure of the hermit life I proposed at the beginning, illustrated for you in a typically-excellent Tom Gauld cartoon.
Got a family? Don’t be this guy.
Ali Luke in The Write Life blog suggests negotiating with your partner. Her example: “I’d like to spend two hours every Saturday afternoon writing. Could you take the kiddo out to the park?” And then, Luke adds, you reciprocate by offering your partner equal time to themselves on some other date.
As far as dealing directly with children? One idea is to take away the mystery.
If you’re reading between my lines, you’re probably picking up that communication is key, with both your partner and your kids. Your family and significant other won’t know either what you want or why you want it…unless you communicate.
As much as possible (and considering ages and tolerance), model the value of spending time being creative.
Here’s another article with tips on sustaining a writing routine amid the backdrop of a busy life. The gist of it is the notion that you must set writing goals for yourself.
When you’re not writing, make sure you are “with” your family and significant other 100%. If you’re clear about how important writing is to you, and make sure your goals are reasonable and fair, they’ll respect and support you. And who knows? You might even start a new generation of writers on their way.
Conclusions? Stop raging against all those constraints. Your job brings in necessary money, and the people in your home provide the love—and you need to love them back. Yes, you want to write, too. So be creative, and come up with creative solutions.
As Edie Nelson says in his blog The Write Conversation:
“Whatever Works, Do It!”
Or to put it another way, do what Luisa Skinner suggests in the title of her fine Substack publication, and start “Writing Around the Edges.”
In this issue we’ve discussed hermits and reclusive types, and further reflected that although it might be our inclination to embrace these stereotypes in regards to writing, doing so might not actually lead to a happy life. Go figure. Keep all this in mind as you try to recall this week’s vocabulary offering (I didn’t offer a specific dictionary-style definition, this time; but you should have been able to infer the meaning by the context).
What does it mean to be cloistered?
Action Plan
Check out my website to discover and keep up on my fiction!
A Contest for Writers (and Poets)
The deadline for Writing Rhythm Issue #26: A Contest for Writers has passed, having been the date of this current post, August 1, at midnight. As stated in the rules, I’ll sort through the entries, choose a winner, publish it here and send out prizes between August 15 and September 1. Thanks for the fine submissions, and I promise to be in touch with all of you, either way, by those dates.
Next up: the second of a two-issue miniseries dealing with Family, Work and Friends…
#28) Family, Work & Friends: Dealing with Attitude on Your Writing. Family, Work & Friends 2 of 2. See you in two weeks!
Craig